Note to self “surviving toxicity”

What I learnt from toxic relationships

By Mpumi Hlatshwayo 05/08/2019

One of the things I’ve learnt from being in toxic relationships is that it is important to never withhold emotion. Whether this is in romantic relationships or friendships. Do not suppress your heartache or discomfort in any shape or form. This will lead to blocks in your manifestation and throw you off balance. It is vital to always speak your mind and speak your truth. The Leo in me should find this way too easy. But this is not always easy for some. People need to be encouraged as much as possible to stand up for what they believe in and to freely voice their opinions in relationships. It is important that this is instilled in our children today. Some of us were not so lucky to have parents who would allow us to freely be expressive of who we are but we learnt this along our journey of life.

If we find ourselves particularly in soulmate relationships, we will find that those relationships may be very toxic, for many reasons unknown to us when we first meet the person. It is important to know that not all soulmates are meant to be in our lives forever. Please see the different types of soulmates we may come across in our lifetime .We are meant to learn lessons from these ‘karmic’ soulmates. They are not always the easiest lessons to wrap our heads around but it is always for the best. It is for for our soul’s growth and evolution. It is beneficial to our existence because it makes us better people. When we find ourselves in such situations, we wonder what we have done to deserve such bad luck in relationships. We ask ourselves, “Why can’t I just be happy like so and so?”. That’s is because you are not so and so. You are unique and you are you for a reason. Learn the lesson from that relationship and release yourself from negative emotions that that relationship brings out. Through that lesson you become better and stronger (I know I have) and it allows you to helps others too.

Do not allow yourself to be absorbed and so entangled in a relationship with someone that you lose a part of yourself. By all means you can love and be loved without losing your individuality. Remain dedicated,focused and committed on you and your hopes and dreams. Reflect on where you want to see yourself. What is it that you hope to gain from certain situations. Focus on how you plan to get to your dreams. This is where self love comes in. You start to put yourself first and put more effort and energy in the things that make you happy. This will allow love to shine from within you. When love shines bright enough, eventually you will attract true love into your life. It will definitely come when you’re too busy loving and nurturing yourself. Reflect back on who you are and reconnect with your inner self. Some cycles are just a test, you should congratulate yourself when you make it through.

Once you have learned the lessons. Once you have learned the greater aspect of love of self , there is no going back. You are no longer going back to old cycles. You will be saying no to karmic situations You learn to release the anger and the hurt from toxic relationships. Yes it hurt but do not stay in a rut. Do not wallow in that negativity and misery. Allow yourself to take ownership for your part in a negative situation. We do not go around blaming other people for how everything just went left. We acknowledge how we contributed to that relationship and heal from it and go forth. Acceptance is vital in moving forward and dropping the baggage. Offer and give only to those who are deserving and also giveback. All relationships are about balance. Love is an equal give and take. There should be balance in your emotions and feelings as well. We should not be too hard on ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made. It is all part of our growth process. It is all about our soul’s growth and evolution.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” 
― Oprah Winfrey

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